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Post by Bleeding Heart Alchemist on Jan 20, 2005 3:38:19 GMT -5
Post all your stupid jokes here.Ill start it off
An Irishman walks out of a bar.......WHAT?It could happen
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Post by Cheshire cat on Jan 21, 2005 16:09:21 GMT -5
Good one! A scot, an irishman and a brit walk into a bar. A fly flies into the brits drink, and he knocks the drink off. a fly flies into the irishmans drink, and he just flicks the fly out and drinks it anyway. A fly flies into the scots drink, and he grabs the fly, squeezes it and says "Spit it out you little fooker!". ;D
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Post by Joker on Jan 23, 2005 23:07:58 GMT -5
Railroad Redneck
Three railroad workers - a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck - are all sitting down to lunch.
The Chinese man says, "If I get another egg roll in lunch tomorrow, I kill myself." The Italian guy says, "If I getta another slice offa pizza tomorrow, I'lla killa myself." The redneck says, "Iffin I get me another ham hock tomorrow, I'll kill myself."
The next day, all three men get the same lunches, so they throw themselves in front of an oncoming train.
At the funeral the Chinese man's wife says, "If only I no packed egg roll that day." The Italian guy's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed a slice offa pizza thatta day."
"Don't yall look at me," says the redneck's wife. "He done packed his own vittles."
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Post by Cheshire cat on Jan 23, 2005 23:10:35 GMT -5
I've heard that one before. ;D
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Post by Kira on Jan 24, 2005 9:17:11 GMT -5
He's cool Joker!
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Post by Col. Kroenen (retired) on Feb 17, 2005 20:53:30 GMT -5
Whats that on your face? What? [Punches him.]
Whats stupider then a redneck? Look in the mirror.
Whats the square root of 1.mil 64? I didn't know the answer either.
If you cock a shotgun, put it to your head, pull the triger, and no one is around, do you die and does it make a sound? Was it worth finding out, you idiot?
Why do cowboys always have sh*t in their mustashs? Because they're "lookin' for love in all the wrong places. Lookin' for love..."
What do black people have fat lips? Its inherited from their ancestors who were beaten in the cotton fields.
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Post by hardkoreusmc on Feb 20, 2005 10:29:56 GMT -5
Beavis and Butt-head come upon two stranded roadies trying to start a fire w/o a lighter or matches.
Roadie 1: "HEY! Any one of you bastards got a match?"
Butthead: "Uh huh huh, my butt and your.....butt."
*Quiet silence moment, then all start laughing.*
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Post by Kira on Feb 21, 2005 14:49:12 GMT -5
*Beavis and Butthead stand in their room. The TV is missing, the window is open and footsteps run from the window to the TV and back to the window*
Butthead: Eh...................... eh...................... eh.................
*after a while* Butthead: Eh.................WOW! Beavis, I figured something out.... Beavis: What?
Butthead: Huh Huh....this sucks!
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Post by DachandesHonor on Feb 21, 2005 19:03:03 GMT -5
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, 'This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.'
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Post by DachandesHonor on Feb 21, 2005 19:04:09 GMT -5
There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish. The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.
The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.
It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."
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Post by DachandesHonor on Feb 21, 2005 19:05:18 GMT -5
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”
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Post by DachandesHonor on Feb 21, 2005 19:06:24 GMT -5
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
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Post by Redeemer on Feb 21, 2005 19:20:27 GMT -5
I LOVE THE FIRST AND LAST HALARIOUS!!! ;D ;D
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Post by Yautja100 on Feb 21, 2005 19:30:49 GMT -5
HA HA HA THEY ARE ALL FUNNY AS HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D I got some jokes to but their dirty jokes.
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Post by Redeemer on Feb 21, 2005 22:42:05 GMT -5
I dont care,hit me
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Post by Yautja100 on Feb 22, 2005 15:44:14 GMT -5
But they are really really really discusting and I don't think its a good thing to post on this forum because it can be viewed by a wide audience.
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Post by Frost on Feb 22, 2005 16:34:31 GMT -5
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples." ROTFLOL I heard that one before... except it was another version and different fruits. hehe, apples, grapes, and watermelons. LOL
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Post by Yautja100 on Feb 22, 2005 19:03:35 GMT -5
You know what I'll post it anyway here it is.
There were two twins, Ram and Shyam who lived in a village by the sea. Ram was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that Shyam's wife died the same day Ram's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Ram and mistaking him for Shyam said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible." Ram, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the middle".
Not strangely, the old woman fainted.
So what do you guys think of it. ;D
Funny right. ;D
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Post by Col. Kroenen (retired) on Feb 23, 2005 5:13:35 GMT -5
HA HA HA THEY ARE ALL FUNNY AS HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D I got some jokes to but their dirty jokes. Tell the dirty ones! Or else! I dont care,hit me OK, if thats what you want. [Punches the shit out of him.]
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Post by Col. Kroenen (retired) on Feb 23, 2005 5:19:41 GMT -5
You know what I'll post it anyway here it is. There were two twins, Ram and Shyam who lived in a village by the sea. Ram was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that Shyam's wife died the same day Ram's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Ram and mistaking him for Shyam said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible." Ram, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the middle". Not strangely, the old woman fainted. So what do you guys think of it. ;D Funny right. ;D A foursome with a boat. Now thats what I call humor. More! More foul jokes!
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