Yautja100's adult joke's thread

[Yautja100]

Q: What do you call a gay bar with no place to sit?
A: A fruit stand.

Q: Why did the gay man get a job at the loading dock?
A: He loved taking deliveries in the rear.

Q: Why do gay men make good linemen?
A: They love penetrating the defense.

Q: Why couldn''t the gay quarterback make it in the NFL?
A: He was too foreward with his passes.

Q: How do you make a lesbian anorexic eat?
A: Put pussy hair around her dinner plate.

Q: What do you call a fart in the men''s room of a gay bar?
A: A love call.

Q: Why did the gay criminal keep going back to prison?
A: He loved it in the can.

[Yautja100]

A little boy who was obviously retarded was attending an elementary school which was not too far from the local high school. This was temporary as he was having problems in school and his mother hoped his grandmother would be more luck. So he attends the first day of school with no problem but he decides to stay after everyone leaves for a project, then afterwards he is walking home from school and he sees the highschool and a lone car in the middle of the football field. Curious, he goes up to the car where he sees a guy and a girl having sex. The guy was thrusting so hard his condom literally popped off and landed in the field. Without hesitation the little boy picks up the condom and continues to watch. The guy notices the condom is missing and sees the obviously retarded little boy holding it with a huge grin on his face.
He says to the little boy "Hey, Gimme that damn thing back!"
The little boy replies "No, its my twinkie"
The man again persists "Give it back now or i'll kick your ass!"
The little boy replies "But no, its my twinkie"
Seeing the boy was obviously retarded he couldn't bring himself to beat him up so he finally says
"Look kid, if you give it back i'll give you 20 dollars OK?"
quickly the boy agrees and runs home as fast as he could.
He flings open the door and his grandmother quickly greets him
He was so excited about the previous event he Yelled at the top of his lungs,
"Grandma Grandma some guy gave me 20 dollars for a twinkie, even though I sucked all the creme filling out!"

[Cheshire cat]

Hmm, i dunno if that one was as good.

[Yautja100]

Yah it was more sickning than funny.

[Yautja100]

This adult joke is very discusting read at your own risk.

A cowboy walks into a whore house. He hasn't been laid in months. He goes up to the maddam and says, "Have you got anybody available?" The maddam replies, "Sorry, we're all used up right now." He can't believe what here's hearing and says, "Oh c'mon you've got to have somebody." She thinks about it and says, "Well, we have one persosn but she's not used anymore." The cowboy replies with a smile, "Okay Okay Okay, I'll take her." The cowboy gives the maddam the money, he runs upstairs, opens the door, and see's this 95 years old women naked on the bed. He tries not to think about it and joins her in bed. Right when they started hitting it off, he says, "OW, my god this hurts so much." So he pulls out, she puts her hand down there, fixes the problem, and they continue there interlude. The cowboy says, "Oh yes this feels so good, what did you do?" The old lady says, "I just picked the scabs off and let the puss run down."

[Boba Fett]

My God thats disturbingly funny

[Cheshire cat]

Sick...sick sick...sick sick sick...sick sick sick sick.

[Yautja100]

Paya said:

Sick...sick sick...sick sick sick...sick sick sick sick.

I put a disclamer on it and I said only adults can view it and your not a adult so if you cant handle it then why are you viewing it?

[Cheshire cat]

(here i go again)

1. I can handle it but anyone says that that was a sick joke.
2. I've seen dogma, laural canyon, sleepy hollow and a few others.

[Yautja100]

Paya said:

(here i go again)

1. I can handle it but anyone says that that was a sick joke.
2. I've seen dogma, laural canyon, sleepy hollow and a few others.

If you say you can handle it then act like you can handle it.

[Cheshire cat]

I did . All i said is that it was sick. All of these jokes are sick. But still funny .

[Yautja100]

Paya said:

I did . All i said is that it was sick. All of these jokes are sick. But still funny .

Oh...okay now I get you.

[setg'-in-yeyinde]

this one is very sick, but funny, okay your mission is to get laid, so you go to a bar and find some chicks,a blonde,a brunette, a black chick, and a asian, so you decide to go with the brunette,she asks for a drink,then she says stick your tounge out with your mouth open and close your eyes,then she kisses you as in mouth to mouth, then she says let's do it in the bathroom and you agree, then you are having sex with her but not taking your clothes off,she lifts her leg and you feel her d*ick!so the chick had a d*ick homo!

[blade]

General said:

(p.s. this one does not pertain to me)

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

heard that awhile ago and have done

classic

[Nicholas Gerard Kang]

ok dis joke is quite dumb though
there wuz tis retarted gal so 1 day she wuz walkin wif her mom in d woods so on d way home she saw 2 birds n 2 dogs havin sex so she asked her mom "wat r those stupid things doin?" so the mom feelin embaressed said "ohh there baking cakes" so dat nite she wuz gonna drink water she saw her parents room door open on d way 2 d kitchen so she peeped in n saw her parents havin sex (obviously she noes wats a cake) so she thought ohh their bakin a cake 4 me 2morrow so d next morning the parents were hurrying coz the dad accidentally spilled is sperm evrywhere on the couch they were makin luv on then when they reached there wif a rag they saw their daughter and the couch was wet without d sperm so then d daughter replied after dat she said "ohh mom dad ur so evil u ate d cake all by urself ur so bad!" so the parents knew their secret wuz gone then d small gurl cont'd "but i licked the tasty icing of the couch!"

[Nicholas Gerard Kang]

theres another 1 when tis man wuz gonna stay in his father-in-laws home so on d 1st nite they divided him and his dad in law in d same room so his dad in law saw a huge bulge in his pants(son in law) den he said show me la so big 1 i wanna c it then he opened it then the dad in law said wah how come got bite marks 1? then the son in law replied oh ask ur daughter lah she wan 2 play 1! get it?

[predatoress]

lol I should slap you with a newspaper for telling jokes like that. But I wont. In fact I'll put here one naughty circular letter I got from my friend - after translating it into English of course.

Dear wife,

During the last year I’ve tried to make love with you 365 times. I’ve got lucky 36 times so the average is one/ten. This is a list why I haven’t been lucky more often:

-54 times the sheets were just washed up
-17 times it was too late
-49 times you were too tired
-27 times it was too hot
-15 times you pretended being in sleep
-22 times you had an headache
-17 times you were scared that we’d wake up the baby
-16 times you said you were too sick
-12 times it was wrong time of the month
-19 times you had to wake up early in the next morning
-7 times you were burned in sun
-6 you watched the evening programs on tele
-5 times you didn’t want to mess your haircut
-3 times you were afraid that the neighbors would heard
-9 times you said your mom is going to wake up

-36 times, when I got lucky, it was unpleasant because:
6 times you just laid still, 4 times you told me to hurry and do the things, 7 times I had to wake you up and tell that I’ve finished and once I was afraid that I’d hurt you ‘cos I felt you moved.

Dear husband,

I think you have mixed some things up. Here’s the reasons why you haven’t got any more often:

-5 times you came home in drunk and tried to *pauk* the cat
-36 times you didn’t come home at all
-21 times IT didn’t work
-33 times IT worked too fast
-19 times IT got soft too fast
-38 times you were late from work
-10 times your toes were wrinkling
-29 times you had to wake up early to play golf
-2 times you had been in a fight and somebody had kicked on your balls
-4 times IT jammed to your zipper
-3 times you had a flue and your nose were leaking
-2 times you had a blister on your finger
-20 times you had lost the mood after thinking it the whole day
-6 times you came into the bedroom in pyjamas reading a dirty magazine
-98 times you were too hurry watching football, ice hockey etc from tele

The reason why when we got in the business and I laid still was that you didn’t touch me but you were *pauk*ing the sheets. And then when you felt my movement you were just farted and I tried to get air.

[Still Churchill]

I'm not an adult I'm thirteen. This is disturbingly funny. I here c'jit like this all the time. I think it's friggin' hilarious.

[Setg]

Ok here comes my favourite joke - even when telling it i still laugh.

An elephant is wandering throuh the African plains, when he happens upon a thorny tree all on its own, with one last peice of fruit hanging on it. He reaches up grabs the fruit and eats it. As he's walking off he stands on a thorn from the tree and finds himself in agony. He tries to walk but can't as the pain is so intense. Realising he is stuck in the middle of the plains with no food or water for miles he starts to cry. Upon hearing the crying, an ant pops up. "You Ok mate" says the ant. "No , i've stood on this thorn and i can't walk." says the elephant. "There's no food or water for miles and i'm going to die here alone." "Lets have a look says the ant". The elephant raises his leg and with a swift yank the ant pulls the thorn free from the elephants foot. "Oh my gosh, thank you so much" gushes the elephant. "if there is anything i can ever do for you, anything at all, just let me know and its yours." The ant ponders this for a moment and says " I know its a bit kinky but i've always fantasised about having sex with an elephant.. Would that be ok?" The elephant thinks about it and says "Well i DO owe you my life and with the size difference it won't really matter to me, sure why not." The ant climbs up behind the elphant and sticks it in. At the same time, a branch from the tree above the elphants head snaps and falls off, hitting the elephant on the head. "Ooww that hurts" cries the elphant, to which the ant replies "Yeah, take it bitch!"

[Still Churchill]

LoL