A Couple of poems. I'd like to have feedback.

[thapunkpred15]

Warning: Containing gore, Sexual references, etc.


When Shadows Slittled Her Innoncence

Inside the delusion of grandeur,
She pitter-patter on cobblestone,
Curiousity hid behind blossoms,
Where guttural growls could be honed,
She stood in fear, Breath deceased from her lungs,
Malevolence stalked, As she broke into a run,

Serrated grin, A foul entity,
Followed the path of her sweet mensrual scent,
Her praiseworthy c*nt emit,
Slithering through the drips, Within pints of shame,
Closing in closer,
She'd surely go down in flames,

Pacing through skeletal trees,
Her terror continues to feed as well as anxiety,
Pausing behind the thickest tree trunk,
Hoping the nightmare will fade,

Closing her eyes,
There was no surprise,
That she'd surely die this way,
Faceless corpses rotting in vain,
Who fate brutality ended the same,
Soil ruptured, digging in her toes,

In strike of moment,
The vile shadow arose,
With razorblade instinct,
Its claws had sink, Deep into her features,
Led out of fantasy by this creature,

Hand in hand,
Cut ear from ear,
Shedding her last tear,
She goes the way of all flesh,
Left to rot by evil so immense,

This tradgic night was alit,
When the shadow slitted her innocence,


Lullabies to the Severed

I spoke to them,
They spoke to me,
Blood clogging lungs,
Failure at screaming,
I showed them the blade,
When they couldn't see anything,

Vitality stained my hands,
It imbued the purest metal,
It satisified my sickest pleasure,
More than any human can ever measure,
I bathed my skin in the sorrow,
Knowing they won't see tommorrow,

Cruelty is what I am,
Flesh dissolving, Hatchet is falling,
Into the skulls of the weak,
Obliterate life,
That's the only way I see things,
No apathy for their small plea,

So I spoke to them,
I cut them piece by piece,
Tearing away all of their faith,
Stomping their brains,
And slitting their veins,
Forever they'll go on remebering pain,

Mangled beyond recognition,
So the vermin can feast,
I see this, This is how you define beauty,
Fell to my knees, praying to the deceased,
I released life from it's leash with brutality,
All from this sick abomination inside of me

[Frost]

I may sound like a grade schooler but I like the sonnet-like nature of your second poem. even though the imagery of the first one was pretty vivid in its own dark way, the way things are portrayed in such detail in the second one somehow seems to have some appeal to me. Its almost like its easier to read. anyways, good poems ya got there.

[thapunkpred15]

Thank you very much.
I'm influenced by music writing by Cradle of Filth and Cannibal Corpse. That's the type of vibe I want to give my readers. I want them easily picture my poems and feel a dark atmosphere from them.

Thank again.