The legend of reckoning.

[thepredatorhitman]

Trying my hand at the whole writing thing

Yeah, it's action based. All the things I have tried to write are.

Prologue: Just another street fight.

Sparks flashed in the moonlight as both combatants let out vicious swipes and swings with their swords. The street was filled with noise as the swords clashed, but no one came to see what was happening. The street was filled with water, starting to flood, as a particularly brutal swing was let loose water was sent everywhere due to sheer force. These combatants never gave way, as one made an overhead swing the other blocked and tried a counter attack, to which the first would dodge.

But one made a fatal mistake, an attack that took to long to build up too. The second fighter brushed the sword away, out of he first's grip, the fight was over. As the sword fell to the ground, spinning, a chilling sight was reflected in the blade, the one still with a sword brutally thrust his into the other man. "One day, Kain, one day you will learn you need might to survive." After this he ripped the sword out of the loser. Blood spraying on to the ground, the street was now tiled with red. As the winner walked away, clutching both swords.

((Purposefully short prologue.))

Chapter 1: Resting

Kain was already in business, he had only just opened his store but he was already getting tasks. There were apparently unusually large sightings of demons in upper H'rakta. It was strange, demons never strayed that far south. Before then the furthest demons had been aside from the occasional sighting was Ka'pt, which was already fully evacuated due to the amount and strength of the demons. As Kain made his way to H'rakta he checked over his equipment. His soul-object, terror, the sword of demons? Check 'Wow that sounds so cliched' He thought in his mind. But it was true, everyone had a soul object, that also set their profession. His was a sword so his profession had to be dangerous and deadly. He checked over the rest of his equipment, he had the rest of his close quarters weapons as well as his large range of guns, he was glad for his trench coat. It might have a few stains on it but the mass amount of holsters and sheathes located on it were massively useful.

The first demon he saw was standard fodder. A hunched-over skeleton wearing a dirty green shawl, it held a curved scythe but had not killed recently, or Kain would have smelled the blood. The last thing the demon saw was a figure, dressed all in black with neck-length black hair aiming a gun at him. Then it ceased to exist. As Kain continued he found himself in some interesting situations. There was the time when he had managed to get 3 scythes stuck in his chest, it had been quite painful but he simply yanked them out and used them to kill the demons who wielded them. He continued, using a variety of weapons to dispatch the demons, there definitely was a big demon here, otherwise there would be less cannon fodder.

The two figures watched this expert hunter carry out his duty. They muttered silently to each other, their voices so identical it was impossible to know who was talking in the dark moonlight. "Should we step in and help him? " "Only if he is in serious danger." "But he needs to have a decent amount of blood left to release the seal." "Oh I would not worry about him, he can handle himself." "Ok, see you at the tower, Vergil." "bye Vergil."

((I did almost unintelligble conversation on purpose, to suit the fact you do not know who is who. That is not all of chapter 1, will be continued if wanted.))

[Adara]

Okay, one of the first rules of writing prose:

SEPARATE ACTION PARAGRAPHS AND DIALOG.

I cannot begin to stress how important it is to be able to tell who is saying what.

Second, action based?

There isn't much else. By that I mean, that you're not describing surroundings, environment, hell, hardly any expressions, much less appearances of the characters you're introducing.

Making scenes into a big clusterfuck isn't exactly smart. You can make stuff vague in the prologue for example, but not in your first chapter.

You're suppose to be able to capture your reader's attention within the first three chapters. You lost me, or rather, any interest I could have in your story, in the prologue.

Next is, the length of your, "chapters".

Short stories are not stories with micro-chapters. No, short stories are stories with under 300 pages.

To quote you, but to be custom to your writing, and use whole sentences.

"Sub-standard writing, I've definitely seen better."

[E-Stalin [Orthrus]]

First off, I completely agree with Adara, and would also like to add in the fact that several grammatical mistakes are present.
And action based doesn't mean no plot nor story is needed. They certainly help. Like Adara stated, poor descriptions, and for being action based, it had pretty horrible action. No detail at all, nor description of the weaponry or combat. There was none of the spraying arcs of blood and delightful descriptions of cold steel sliding between ribs here. Even if I'm writing in an Rp and use a gun I tend to go off with at least some detail, usually going off a bit too far on the mechanism of the firearm and the bullet punching through flesh and bone. There's none of that here, and on top of that it looks like a very poor attempt at something resembling Devil May Cry.

Read more books. It helps a lot in understanding what makes one good.