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Post by bloodedyautja on Mar 25, 2007 10:07:23 GMT -5
who is the king of the stationary box? the ruler
2 earwigs fell out a tree. the first earwig says to the second earwig. 'earwigo, earwigo, earwigo' (here we go)
A rabbit walk into a bar and orders a pint of best beer and a ham toastie. when he finishes his first pint of best beer and ham toastie he still feels hungry so he orders a second pint of best beer and a cheese toastie. and still when he finishes his second pint of best beer and cheese toatie he still feels a trifle peckish so he orders yet a thrid pint of best beer and a sardine toastie and as soon as he finishes his third pint of best beer and sardine toastie he fell down dead. Now. the land lord wondered what to do with the strange rabbit customer so he decides to bury him in the backyard of the pub. that night the ghost of the rabiit appears to the land lord. and the land lords says "why did you die?" and the ghost of te rabbit replies "mixin me toasties" ( Myxomatosis)
I refuse to take any credit for these rubbish jokes that i have copied and pasted here today. I hold no responsibility for anyone dieing of boredom from reading them. to the idiots sitting out there there reading this rubbish aloud should now acknowledge the brackets as understanding of the jokes and should not recite the information between them aloud.
The last is a small thing at the bottom of a jokes page. I found it funny. PLEASE no-one take it personally.
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Post by Terminator|±The_Destroyer± on Mar 25, 2007 11:43:26 GMT -5
Okay, those jokes are sort of weird, but they're still funny.
And that last thing was also really funny. You know, I'd call my mother stupid, but then it would be an insult to stupid people, so I'm not going to.
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Post by bloodedyautja on Mar 25, 2007 12:44:01 GMT -5
thanks. yer I know their bad. the last one about rabbits is the corniest andf I've know it since I was like 8. but the last thing doesn't belong to me I just found it at the bottm of a joke website
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Post by Korda on Apr 9, 2007 17:09:06 GMT -5
One ive heard was: Why do Food Markets love cats so much?....Becasue their the Purrrrrrrr-fect customer.
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Post by bloodedyautja on Apr 9, 2007 17:13:19 GMT -5
yer that definately belongs in this section. a bad joke thats still funny though.
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Post by Shadowkid on May 10, 2007 21:19:49 GMT -5
Check out this one: A senior citizen named Barney was driving down the freeway, when his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him, "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!" "Heck," replied Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
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Post by bloodedyautja on May 11, 2007 16:21:56 GMT -5
;D. man thats quite funny actually. ok it is kinder weird but its quite good. though corny. A mans walking at night and its raining. he stops at an inn called ' George and the dragon" he knocks on the door and a woman sticks her head out of a window above and says "what do you think your doing it 3 am" he replies "I want a room" "well your not having one so piss off. what do yout think you doing bothering people at this time. we're shut so piss off and leave us alone" she slams the window shut and the man is left standing on the street he knocks on the door again and the woman flings open the window and says "I thought I told you to piss off" and he replies "just one thiung next time i coem do you mind sending out george" yup its a bad joke but its quite funny.
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Post by Shadowkid on May 11, 2007 17:03:29 GMT -5
HAHA! Took me a bit to get it.
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Post by BloodyFangs on May 11, 2007 17:27:45 GMT -5
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."
"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?
"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"
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Post by Terminator|±The_Destroyer± on May 11, 2007 17:38:07 GMT -5
hahahahaha, that's real funny! Did you learn that from www.funny.com ?
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Post by BloodyFangs on May 11, 2007 17:57:24 GMT -5
No, I think I got it from The Joke Yard. Got this one there, too.
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".
The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"
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Post by Shadowkid on May 11, 2007 18:05:41 GMT -5
HAHA! Ceck out this one:
Eve: "Did you hear the latest about Jane Simmons who lives over on the next block? " Sheli: " No, what about her?" Eve: "She had triplets. Then not two weeks later, she had twins." Sheli: "That's Impossible.! How did it happen?" Eve: "One of the triplets got lost."
It sucks, I know.
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Post by predatoryautja on May 25, 2007 8:54:44 GMT -5
Haha. I actually liked it. Figure this one out.
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
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Post by bloodedyautja on May 25, 2007 10:25:44 GMT -5
yer thats quite funny actually. ok here comes a bunch of bad jokes. [glow=red,2,300]Waiter: Are you ready to order sir? Gentlemen: Yes, how do you prepare the chickens Waiter: Oh nothing special sir we just tll them straight out there going to die.[/glow] [glow=blue,2,300]A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son." With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three." [/glow] [glow=green,2,300]Did you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time? He didn't know if he was coming or going. [/glow] yer I know there all really rubbish but I think the last one is the most rubbish but hey. thats why I called the thread as (reali bad) jokes.
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Post by Shadowkid on May 25, 2007 17:21:44 GMT -5
The last one's funny. How 'bout this:
Customer: Oh, Waiter. Waiter: Yyyeeesss. Customer: What's this fly doing in my soup. Waiter: (looks in) It looks like the Backstroke.
HAHA.
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Post by bloodedyautja on May 26, 2007 15:05:19 GMT -5
the only reason I laughed at that joke is because its so bad, and yet its funny. dunno how that works but it does(well it does in my mind anyway)
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Post by Shadowkid on May 27, 2007 15:34:58 GMT -5
Oh, I know. My joke sucked. I think I heard it off some little kids show.
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Post by bloodedyautja on May 30, 2007 10:44:55 GMT -5
ok I have like this daily joke setting on my computer and this one was actually quite amusing.
[glow=red,2,300]A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!"
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"
"I just saw both of your garters!"
Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.
"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"[/glow]
this one is even worse a joke
[glow=blue,2,300] An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful." [/glow]
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Post by Shadowkid on May 30, 2007 22:36:26 GMT -5
HAHA. I like the first one the best.
I don't remember where I heard this one.
A doctor calls a man. Doctor: Sir, I got your test results back. There is good news and bad news. Man: Oh, crap. Tell me the good news. Doctor: Well, according to your results, you only have one day to live. Man: Holy damn, what could possibly be worse!! Doctor: Well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.
That's terrible.
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cetanuhunter
Unblooded
[!!]*S.T.A.R.S*[!!]|<Nemesis>||--|Default
Posts: 20
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Post by cetanuhunter on Dec 19, 2007 4:58:46 GMT -5
hahaha im still laughing. i've got 1
3 men are walking in the desert and one of them finds a golden lamp. its a bit dirty so he wipes it on his sleeve. a blue mist pours out the top and a man falls out, he gets up and speaks to them
Genie: thank you for freeing me, in return i will give you a gift
he claps his hands and a slide appears infront of him.
Genie: each one of you will slide down and on your way down you will say the thing you most want, when you reach the bottom you will land in it.
the men look at each other and the first man goes up the ladder, he begins to slide
Man 1: Money!!!
when he hits the bottom, he is in a giant multi-storey pile of money.
the second man goes up, slides down.
Man 2: Fame!!!!!!
when he reaches the bottom he see's his face everywhere and everyone wants to meet him, he begins talking to people he has never met...
the third man goes up the ladder but on his way up he slips and falls
Man 3: shit!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha
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